Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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