My Higher Power is John Stamos
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize