Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
