My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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