I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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