I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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