i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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