Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
