no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
