Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My penis needs a shock collar
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Pooping to opera.
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