Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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