I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
