I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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