U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
