Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sext me about skeletons
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
