This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
