I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just pee around me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
