I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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