This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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