It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
