So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Bring me that man meat
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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