Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
