Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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