He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
