Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize