Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have already put on my inside pants.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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