Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
