I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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