Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
