GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Boobs are out for the taking
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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