Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
