Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
