That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
