I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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