so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
