all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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