There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
