Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
