There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
