I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
