If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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