I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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