do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
