i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
