hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He did a backflip because drugs
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
