I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
