Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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