I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
