he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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