Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
