well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
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Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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