hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The beer is more important than you right now.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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