I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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