just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent