I smell stomach acid.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes