vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means