the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it