is your mom at the bar?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.