you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
