omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
