While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
