i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
