My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
