I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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