there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Randomize
