actually, I'm a sock model
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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