my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
