I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
