Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
